


Phases of Life

by GachMoBrea, JoeFandome



Series: My Father, Barry Allen [17]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 'OUCH!', AU, Alternate Universe, Astral Projection, Barry is Len's DAD, Crying, Earth-1, Emmotional, Emmotionaly Hurt, Father!Barry, Gen, Hold onto your hearts!, I'm Sorry, Little!Len, OOC, OTHER UNIVERSES!, Phasing, Ronnie Lives!, Sibling Closure, Some comfort, Son!Len, StepMom!Iris, firestorm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 12:04:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GachMoBrea/pseuds/GachMoBrea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoeFandome/pseuds/JoeFandome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started as just blurs. Little glimpses back to 'his universe' so Len only thought that he was dreaming. <br/>He chalked it up to more strange in his already messed up world. <br/>Until the blurs got clearer and started talking to him...</p><p>Len starts to travel back to his world when he sleeps. What is the cause? How will it affect how he feels?<br/>What will Barry do when his boy wakes him up with his tears?</p><p>(I'm not 100% sure about the Title...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Phase

-Len POV:::

It started as just blurs. Little glimpses back to 'his universe' so Len only thought that he was dreaming. All of 'the dreams' ended at STAR Labs, which he thought was strange, but he always knew 'the dream' was ending when the familiar walls surrounded him.  
He chalked it up to more strange in his already messed up world.  
Until the blurs got clearer and started talking to him...

"Captain, there appears to be an unidentified individual aboard." Gideon's voice chirps.  
"Who?" Len frowns, looking around. Wait. When did he get on the Waverider?

The world hazes and swirls and he's back home. HIS home. Back in HIS world. It's vacant and run down, but he'd recognize its ashes.  
"What's going on?"

The world darkens and he's at STAR Labs. "This is the most annoying dream ever."  
Len looks over to the startled faces of Team Flash staring at him.  
"Why is there some kid in the lab?" Cisco freaks out a little, pointing to the boy as if the others could see him.  
Maybe they could, "You can see me?"  
'Did he say kid?' Len looks down at himself and realizes that he's his younger version still. 'Couldn't shake that, I guess.'  
"Snart, you're alive!" Barry, the one from HIS world, speaks up from the shocked group. "What happened to you?"  
'They can see me. They are talking TO me. Which means, this isn't a dream!' Len gapes a little at them. 'I've got to say something! I've got to tell them-Got to say-'  
"Please don't tell my Daddy who I am, he'll be really sad."  
Len frowns at the now confused members of Team Flash.

The world starts to haze again and Len desperately tries to stop it.  
But he doesn't know how it happened in the first place...So he can't.

"No! Come back!" He turns in the darkness, tries to push his way back without really knowing how. 'I have to tell them! They might be able to get me back! I have to go back!'

A familiar voice has its arms wrapped around him and he slowly comes back to his new reality. His face is wet with frustrated tears and he's shaking for no reason he wants to think about.  
"It's okay," Barry says soothingly as he rocks him. "It's okay, Len. It's okay, son. I'm here. It's okay."

Eventually the shaking stops, the tears dry up, and Len's mind calms enough for him to think about what he had said to his world's Barry.  
Why? Why?! WHY?! WHY did he waste his chance saying what he did? He wanted to go home! Wanted to be his real age! In his real body!  
................................................................................................................................................................................Didn't he?

His thoughts are suddenly interrupted when he feels himself being liften off the bed.  
"I'm fine!" he belatedly tries to assure Barry. "It was just a bad dream! Put me down!"  
"You're not fine, Len," the speedster argues, adjusting his hold when Len tries to squirm free. "You're burning up and I think you're getting sick again."  
"I don't want to go to the doctor!" Len protests in his whiniest voice as he continues to squirm without any success at freedom. "Please! I don't wanna go!"  
"I won't take you to Dr. Savage," Barry assures him as he carries him down the stairs. "I'll take you to see Caitlin, okay? You like her. She's Mick's mom!"  
"But-!" Len doesn't get to protest further, they're already moving at the hero's speed and then they're at the Lab. Len decides to give up, energy gone with his defeat.  
Barry puts him on the medical bed and pulls out his phone. "Caitlin? Can I bring you to STAR Labs to look at Len? Great."  
Then he drops the phone by Len and is out and back with the scientist in two blinks.  
"Okay," Caitlin pats down the flames on her sweater quickly before removing it to smile at Len. "How are you feeling, Len?"  
'Like the universe hates me.' He shrugs. "Fine. I told dad it was just a nightmare."  
"He was shaking and crying, Caitlin," Barry tells the scientist. "Then he felt like he was burning up, just like he did right before he got really, really sick. Can you just check him over? Please?"  
"Of course, Barry," Snow pats the hero on the arm kindly, before returning her full focus to her patient. "Nothing I do will hurt, okay? And if you feel uncomfortable, or anything hurts at any time, you let me know. Alright?"  
Len nods, not caring anymore since he doesn't really have a say. He lets the woman look him over as his mind wanders.

'I might be able to go back. I DID go back. So, I can go back? I don't belong here. I never did. I was thrown here by.......Whatever. I don't believe in fate or destiny or time giving me a second chance. I got the life I got and that's it! I should go back! I'm only a burden to Da-no Barry. I'm a burden to Barry. He deserves better!'  
*One day. You will understand.* Leonard Allen's voice rings through his head like an unwelcomed house guest.  
'If I leave....Dad-Barry, BARRY will have no son. He'll be heart broken! Is that worse? Having a fake son over none at all?'  
Strong arms surround him once again and Len scowls at his weak body that is apparently shaking again. 'Curse this little body! Curse the Time Masters! Curse the Oculus! Curse whatever did this to me!'  
As Barry rocks him and rubs soothing circles on his back, Len's eyes become heavy and his body relaxes. One last thought goes through his mind before he drifts off to sleep, 'What should I do?'

 

-Daddy Barry POV:::

Barry wakes to his son shouting and speeds to Len's room. His boy is shaking and sobbing and he goes to help him, wrapping his arms around him as he tries to sooth him with his voice.  
"It's okay," he says as he rocks him. "It's okay, Len. It's okay, son. I'm here. It's okay."  
'What on earth happened? Is it another nightmare? Poor Len!'  
As his son finally starts to calm down, Barry feels a lot of heat radiating from his small body. 'Oh no! He's getting sick again! I've got to get him to a doctor!'

Barry picks Len up, but his boy immediately tries to squirm out of his arms.

"I'm fine!" Len tries to assure him. "It was just a bad dream! Put me down!"  
"You're not fine, Len," he argues, 'I KNOW you're not!' He keeps adjusting his hold when Len continues to squirm free. He decides to try and speak sense to his boy. "You're burning up and I think you're getting sick again."  
"I don't want to go to the doctor!" Len protests, whinier than Barry has ever heard him. He's still squirming. "Please! I don't wanna go!"  
It breaks his heart to hear his boy beg him, but Barry needs to make sure Len is okay. He's the parent and Len is his to take care of. 'But maybe the nightmare was about a doctor? I don't want to make things worse.'  
He gets another idea.  
"I won't take you to Dr. Savage," he assures Len as he carries him down the stairs. "I'll take you to see Caitlin, okay? You like her. She's Mick's mom!"  
Barry runs his boy to STAR Labs and puts him on the medical bed. He pulls out his phone and calls his friend.  
"Barry?"  
"Caitlin?" Barry doesn't waste time making sure the familiar voice was her or not. He goes straight to the next question. "Can I bring you to STAR Labs to look at Len?"  
"Yes?"  
"Great."  
He drops the phone by Len and runs to her house. She's just leaving her bedroom door, Ronnie at her side, but Barry doesn't have time for pleasantries. He grabs her and runs back to the Lab.

"Okay," Caitlin pats down the flames on her sweater quickly before removing it to smile at Len. "How are you feeling, Len?"  
His boy shrugs. "Fine. I told dad it was just a nightmare."  
'It was more than that. There's something wrong!' Barry stomps down his immediate reaction to give his friend the facts.  
"He was shaking and crying, Caitlin," he tells her. "Then he felt like he was burning up, just like he did right before he got really, really sick. Can you just check him over? Please?"  
"Of course, Barry," she pats him on the arm, eyes kind and warm, then she returns her full focus to her patient. "Nothing I do will hurt, okay? And if you feel uncomfortable, or anything hurts at any time, you let me know. Alright?"  
'Alright.' Barry thinks, but he remains quiet as he watches his friend check his son over with bated breath.

As Caitlin works, Barry has time to feel scared and frustrated. He keeps trying to figure out what happened to his baby. Was he sick again? Is it worse than last time? How often will this happen? Did he do something wrong? What can he do to help his little boy out?

After the test are through, Caitlin walks over to Barry.  
"I think that he's coming into his powers," she tells him with a sad smile. "But it's too much too soon for his small body. It's reacting against it like it's a virus."  
'It's all my fault.' Barry thinks as he looks over to Len who's staring at nothing. "Can you help him?"  
'Help stop the damage I did? These are MY powers. MY responsibility. I should have KNOWN that it was possible to pass it on to my children. I'm such an idiot!'  
"I might be able to make a drug that will suppress his powers," Caitlin's voice breaks into his self-damaging thoughts. "But I doubt it will be able to hold them off for very long. No more than a year, at best."  
'One more year of a normal life he should have. If he didn't have a poor excuse of a father like me.'  
"But I wouldn't be comfortable giving him anything I haven't completely tested," Caitlin continues. "I'll start on it tonight. Ronnie can watch the boys. I've got plenty of samples from you to help with the studies. Barry?"  
Barry blinks at the hand on his arm, then looks to its owner.  
"Do you want me to do this?" Caitlin asks with large, worried eyes. "I promise you, I would never do anything to jeopardize Len's health."  
"I know," he tries to smile at her, but doesn't really have the strength. He takes an unsteady breath an nods, "Okay. Do it."  
"I'll keep you updated on my progress," she pats him on the arm a few times reassuringly, then walks over to her section of the Lab to get started.

Barry's eyes go back to his son and he's startled to see the boy shaking again. His heart breaks as he goes to him. He picks him up and starts to rock him, rubbing circles on his back in an attempt to sooth him to sleep. After the shaking stops again, he gives Caitlin a quick goodbye and heads home.  
He puts Len back in his bed and lingers there, watching him sleep. Heart clenching each time the little boy's chest goes down, then unclenching when it rises again.  
After watching Len breathe for a few minutes, Barry starts to feel his eyes droop closed. The stress, worry and anxiety is starting to catch up to him and take a toll on his body. He kisses Len on the forehead, smiling a little at the regular temperature he feels against his lips, then slowly steps backwards out of the room.  
Barry goes to his own bed like a zombie and lets his body fall against the mattress.  
Iris's worried faces appears over him and asks him what happened, taking one of his hands in her own as she patiently waits for an answer.  
He fills her in, not leaving out any detail as he hold in tears. He does, however, keep most of his self-accusing thoughts out of his recount. But not all of it.  
"Bear," she tells him softly, running a few fingers through his hair. "This isn't your fault. Len is a wonderful boy and the world would be a sadder place without him."  
"But he's going through so much pain because of ME," Barry tries to explain. "I have powers, I gave them to him. The powers that I use to save people are tearing my precious child apart! How can I stop that? How can I make that better?"  
He turns away from her, voice breaking, "I can't."  
"You are a wonderful person, Barry," Iris assures him. "You have so much capacity for love and caring...This is genetics or a random act of change that no one could stop. Not even a superhero like yourself. This is NOT your fault!"  
'She doesn't understand. I don't blame her for that.' Barry gives her a sad smile and decides to call it a night.  
As the lights go out and he slowly starts to drift off to sleep, he can't help but think the truth, 'Yes it is...'

-


	2. While Caitlin Makes the Drug

-Len POV:::

The 'dreams' keep happening sporadically but Len doesn't try interacting with the people he meets. He runs away from anyone he sees. He hides in STAR Labs until he wakes.  
Whatever was happening to him, whether astral projection or phasing through the universe, it was going to tear him apart if Caitlin didn't come up with a way to stop it.

The hardest people to stay away from were Lisa and Barry.  
A few times he finds himself in his little sister's apartment, with her looking at something small in her hand and frowning.  
One time, she dropped it, and desperately chased after it. It's then that he realizes, it's the ring he gave Mick. HIS Mick, right before he sacrificed himself and was thrown into this whole situation.

Two weeks of everyday new life in the morning and a chance of the old at night later, Lisa catches sight of him.  
"Lenny?" her eyes go huge. "Lenny! What? Why are you small? What? Are you? How?"  
"Lisa," he sighs, coming out of his hiding spot. "I'm fine. I'm not dead. But I'm a little irritated that you saw me."  
"Crabby pants," she scowls. "Where the heck have you been? Did you steal from the fountain of youth and didn't want to tell me or something?"  
"As fun as that would be," he smirks for a second. "No."  
"Len," Lisa takes a step closer then stops when he takes a step back. "What's wrong? Why are you hiding from me? Where have you been?"  
"I'm in another universe, Lisa," he tells her honestly, figures she might as well know since he has a chance to tell her. "I've been given a new life somewhere else and, for some reason, I can sporadically go to this universe."  
"Sounds like sci-fi garbage that Cisco likes," his sister grimaces. "But why are you small?"  
Len starts to feel the world haze and he knows he only has a few more moments to end things with his sister. Suddenly, he actually WANTS to stay, "I'm being pulled away again, Lis. I don't know if I'll ever see you again."  
"What?! NO!" Lisa runs to him but stops a step too far away. "Lenny! Don't go!"  
"I told you, when I joined Rip on his fool's errand, that I might not come back, little sister," he tries to smile encouragingly at her tearful look. "Just know, that I'm actually..." He searches for the right word and surprises himself with, "Happy. That I've been given a chance to have a do-over. A life away from Lewis."  
"You stole yourself cushy new digs?" she jokes with a slightly choked up voice. She reaches out and touches his cheek gently. "I love you, Lenny. Be safe. Wherever you are."  
"I love you too, Lisa," he tells her, touching the hand as the world hazes some more. "Watch out for yourself."  
Then everything goes dark and she's gone.  
Len sheds silent tears that night, making sure that Barry can't hear it as he pushes his face deeper and deeper into his pillow.  
When he can't cry anymore, he falls back asleep. This time, without any 'dreams'.  
That's the last time he sees HIS Lisa.

-Barry POV:::

Every day is another chance for Barry's heart to rip itself apart. Joe and Iris try to assure him, try to be there for him when he HAS to go to work, for either of his jobs, but he starts to lash out at everyone and is suspended form the CCPD for two weeks.  
Firestorm steps up to take over more and more of hero duties for The Flash.  
Barry doesn't care, much to the concern of his wife and father in law.  
Len is his focus. Len takes up all of the extra space of his thoughts.  
'Is he okay? Will Caitlin be able to make the drug in time? Will it work? Will it make things worse? What if it does nothing? If it DOES work, will Len be able to handle his powers when it stops again?'  
Every night he watches his boy sleep until he can't keep his eyes open any longer. He eats the usually disgusting power bars without tasting anything.  
Len cries almost every other night and Barry just wants to make all the pain go away.  
But he can't.

So when Caitlin finally tells him that she's ready with the drug, Barry nearly collapses in relief. Before the worries come flooding back in.

"Are you sure?" he asks Caitlin as she prepares the needle.   
Len is sitting on the medical bed in STAR Labs, Iris at his side with the boy's small hand in hers. Joe is standing behind Barry, arms crossed over his chest and looking just as worried as the speedster.  
"I don't think this will work," Caitlin tells him seriously, raising a hand when he opens his mouth to protest. "I KNOW it will. Plus, I had Dr. Wells look at it too, so it hasn't just had my eyes on it."  
She re-states every test that she did. How she got to making the drug in the first place.  
"Hartley volunteered to test it out and his powers were dampened for a few days without any side affects," she finishes. "He said he just felt like a normal genius."  
"Why only a few days?" Iris asks.  
"Because of how old he was and how long he had his powers already," the scientist explains. "Len is still young and his powers haven't fully emerged yet. He could still get them sooner than we'd all like, but it will definitely give his body more time to grow and prepare for it."  
Barry takes in a shaky breath and lets it out, eyes locked on Len who was staring at his shoes.  
"Okay," he says quietly, hoping his friend could hear him even though he wasn't sure he could hear himself. "Do it."  
Caitlin nods, walking slowly over to Len and smiling at him even though the boy wasn't looking at her.  
"This is going to pinch, but just for a second," she tells him, preparing the injection spot with a wipe. "Can you be strong and brave for me, Lenny?"  
"It's okay," Len tells her softly. "I'm ready."  
The needle goes in and everyone stops breathing for a moment. The drug enters the boy's body and then the needle comes out and almost everyone starts to breath again.  
"How do you feel?" Barry asks before anyone else can.  
"Fine," Len looks up at him with a small smile. "I feel fine."  
"It might take a couple of hours for it to kick in," Caitlin informs them as Iris puts a Band-Aid where the injection sight was. "We'll know by tonight if it worked."  
"If he has another bad dream or not," Barry steps forwards to take his boy in his arms. "Thank you, Caitlin."  
"Everything will be okay, Barry," his friend assures him. "Try to have a little faith in science."  
He nods robotically, turning and leaving the Labs at normal speed.  
"I'll take you home," Joe offers the scientist, who thanks him.  
Iris drives her husband and son home, while they sit in the back. Len in Barry's lap, ignoring safety rules as the speedster holds his boy to his chest.

That night, Barry keeps one hand on Len's wrist to feel the constant thump of his son's heart. Len doesn't cry that night and Barry passes out slumped against the boy's bed.

{*}-Len POV-{*}

After the injection, Len feels a little muffled in his head. But then it clears and he feels 'normal' again. Night comes too quickly and he feels a little more secure than usual with Barry's hand on his wrist.   
He has a normal dream, filled with dragons and pirates and more treasure than can really be in one place.

-


	3. Another Chapter?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But what about Earth-1?  
> Well, I'll tell you...

-Earth-1 Barry POV:::

All during his fight against Zoom and his metahuman army, Barry had caught glimpses of a small boy. Even with his speed, the boy was only there for a moment, so he thought it had something to do with all the stress he was under.  
When Zoom upped his game and tried to destroy the multiverse, the speedster didn't have time to think about it.

Then the dark speedster was gone. Defeated for good. But at a cost Barry wasn't sure he could ever get over.  
'I wasn't fast enough to save my father.' He thinks once again as the others start to wrap up the victory celebration. Wells and Jesse were gone with the real Garrick, so it was just Cisco, Caitlin, Joe and Iris with the speedster in STAR Labs.

The lights act up and suddenly there's a small boy flickering into existence in the middle of the room. Barry barely acknowledges Cisco's incredulous question of who the boy was, as he stares at those blue, recognizable eyes. 'It's Snart! Only younger?'  
Lisa had told Cisco that the man had died. His friend had then told Barry. And yet, there Snart was! Standing right in front of them, but as a child?  
"Snart, you're alive!" he speaks up to the boy, he KNOWS that's who it is. "What happened to you?"   
Young Snart looks a little startled at him, then surprises everyone when he says, "Please don't tell my Daddy who I am, he'll be really sad."   
'What? Lewis? What did that man have to do with anything?' But before Barry can ask what Len is talking about, the boy is gone.

Barry turns to the others who stare at him in disbelief. "Snart's alive!"  
Joe steps up, "Barry what are you talking about? That's not Snart, it can't be, he's an adult. That was a small child."  
Barry shakes his head, "We don't know what happened to Snart when he sacrificed himself. You all thought I was dead when Wells recreated the explosion. Maybe he was just sent to another universe? Whatever happened, I KNOW it's him. I don't know how I know, I just do."  
Everyone still looks doubtful, but otherwise seem to believe him.  
Barry turns to Cisco, "Can you figure out where Len ended up? Maybe you can open a portal to get me there?"  
The genius is already at the computers typing away. He looks up when his friend talks to him, "Might take me a few days, but there was a strong readout of another world frequency. If I can trace it, I can vibe you an opening."  
"I'll help," Caitlin volunteers, stepping over to her friend to assist however she can.

Joe and Iris look to each other worriedly, then the detective takes the hero aside.  
"Barry I know you're hurting," Joe starts with a soft, kind tone. "So why do you want to go where you might get hurt worse? Especially for Snart? Assuming it's even him!"  
"I failed my dad, Joe," Barry tells him sadly, heart wrenching at the memory. "If I have a chance to save someone, I'm not going to fail them like I did him."  
"But, Barry-"  
"Snart deserves to be saved too, Joe," the speedster cuts him off with a pained smile. "Especially after saving our future. He sacrificed himself. I can at least repay him by trying."   
Iris puts her hand onto the brunette's shoulder to turn him her way, "But Barry, Snart didn't sound like he wanted to be saved. He has a father there, you heard that."  
"Lewis is no father." Barry frowns, remembering the faded bruise he saw peaking out under the edges of Snart's short-sleeved shirt. "If he's stuck back in his childhood, he's going through that man's abuse again. I need to go. I need to save him if I can."

That puts a sobering look on the two's faces and they nod, knowing they won't be able to convince the speedster to stay.

While Cisco works on creating a way to Len, he also makes a special device that will track the hero and send a video back to Earth-1.  
"Just in case we need to call in reinforcements or something," the genius shrugs at the hero's questioning look. "Listen man, I'm not going to finish this if you don't promise to wear my gear."  
"I'll wear it," Barry instantly promises.  
"Good," Cisco nods to him, then returns his attention to the screen. "Now, be a good friend and get me something caffeinated to drink."

Three Days Later:  
"It's official," Cisco announces with a proud smile. "I'm smarter than I thought."  
"All hail the king of humility," Caitlin remarks sarcastically.  
"Hey, I'd like to see someone else build a portal to another universe in only a couple of days with nothing but a frequency to go by."  
"You also had Wells' research and previous experience with-"  
"Thank you, queen of the peanut gallery," Cisco puts up a hand to stop the scientist. "I think we'd ALL appreciate a little less talk back and a little more let's do this!"

Barry, dressed as The Flash and with Cisco's device mounted to his head, stands in front of the machine that will send him to Snart.  
He looks back to the others and smiles. They are trying to put on brave faces, but they're clearly worried about him, or for him.  
Barry gives everyone a goodbye with a hug. Joe pats him on the back and warns him of, "All the work left at your other job you need to catch up on."  
When he gets to Iris though, she pulls him close and kisses him. Then pulls back with a whispered, "Be careful."  
Barry embraces her briefly before turning to the portal and speeding into it...

His plan is to track down the Joe and Iris of that world so they can help him. He'll start with where they live on this world and see if it's the same and go from there. If they aren't he'll search for them. Assuming, though, that they existed in that universe.  
It's desperate thinking, but it's all he has right now. Barry hopes it will be enough...

-

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry!  
> I own nothing.


End file.
